what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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