decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
