so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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