Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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