why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
