Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
