I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize