Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
