she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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