nut hugger
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Watching her eat just hurts me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
