So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize