I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize