I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
