i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
