I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
