I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
