my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
And then he peed in my hair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
