My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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