I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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