hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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