i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
