I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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