We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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