my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
