Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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