Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
