considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
