I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize