if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
