I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It all started with a game of naked twister.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
