i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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