fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
