Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
