Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
