If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
