I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
