saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
