Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
