okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize