I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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