she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
