I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
