I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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