so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
