He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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