I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
