If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
