I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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