Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
