I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize