even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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