Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
