It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize