We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize