I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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