Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
