I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
