2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize