I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
