Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
