I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
