This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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