its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My dick has a subreddit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
