so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
