There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Alive.
So much puke
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
