And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I supernannyed him into submission
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
