With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
