so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
