just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
