Ambien. No doubt about it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
