I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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