brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Farmville is her only friend.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
