this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
