U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
