Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
