we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
