These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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