I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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