A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
